i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
