am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
