My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
