My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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