Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
