Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
