Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ok first of all what the fuck
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize