im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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