last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
