Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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