Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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