Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
