I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
