So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
