remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
