He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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