There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
