this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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