she was so not down for the gang bang
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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