How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
