I skipped work to stalk him.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
