it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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