Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
