Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
