gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
