Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
