Your dad touched me again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
