I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
