just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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