I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
