Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
