He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize