I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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