she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
