I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
