Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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