i wish my penis had a tongue
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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