Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think i have herpe
just one?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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