Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize