Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
