I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
