You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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