OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
