I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
