i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
