When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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