is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
