Nicole vs. Life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
