Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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