we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
