Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this just has baby written all over it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
