Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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