I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
