I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this will be a night to untag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
