I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
