i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
