and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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