at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
