I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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