hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The ass gains better be worth it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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