Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
