Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize