you would pick up someone in the library
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
