woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
