Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
