I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
