If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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