hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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