i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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