Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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