i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
