there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
