if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
