You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's blow job season.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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