why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
